Inside Scoop: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly About The EFHL Coaches

Hotter than the Notre Dame Cathedral, Scoop here to give you something to read while you shit at work. It's The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly, EFHL coaches edition!

Jose Theodore - Abitibi Canyon Cutters
Good: Brings a strong defensive mindset to the team, which will hopefully help Hellebuyck rebound.
Bad: Had notoriously poor rebound control, which is not quite what we meant. Hopefully he doesn't try and teach personally.
Ugly: Arguably the biggest French Canadian star on a team based in a largely French speaking region. Sacré Bleu!

Joffrey Lupul - BC Buds
Good: Long thought captive on Robidas Island, apparently, BC was able to send a missionary to the island to retrieve Lupul.

*Receives an old-timey Morse code paper*

I'm saddened to report that the missionary was killed and Lupul is currently presumed dead as well. Our thoughts are with the family. However, BC needs a coach, so here for the sloppy seconds is

Sean Avery - BC Buds
Good: The way he played on the ice, Avery seems like the kind of person that could use a bit of BC's signature product. This could be a good move for him.
Bad: Avery never seemed like a leader in the ice, and now he's in charge of probably the #2 pest in the league, Nazem Kadri. That's not ideal. But hey, at least Kadri is the biggest possible time bomb here, right?
Ugly: Oh, right. Avery is now coaching Brad Marchand. We're all doomed.

Dominik Hasek - Dublin Warriors
Good: The Warriors goalies - including Binnington assuming he makes the main roster this year... - can only benefit from the tutelage of one of the all time greats.
Bad: Unless of course that all time great had such a ridiculous style that only he could make work and there's literally nothing you'd want him passing onto the other goalies...
Ugly: I mean, we all agree Hasek is not an attractive man, right?

Rob Klinkhammer - Las Vegas Vagabonds
Good: Rob Klinkhammer is finally relevant to the EFHL. That's a good thing, at least for him.
Bad: I had to look up how Klinky just to see what he'd done in the bigs. Undrafted for a reason...
Ugly: One of the more lackluster signings, which is disappointing for a team from Sin City. O couldn't even think of jokes for this one. Seriously.

Tim Thomas - New England Whalers
Good: Knows the area, can help the teams goalies, etc blah blah.
Bad: May not attend the White House ceremony, depending on how things are going there.
Ugly: Likely had to be surgically removed from Trump's Rump before signing.

Ilya Bryzgalov - Northumberland Kings
Good: We get more interviews with Ilya Bryzgalov. The man is comedy gold.
Bad: Likely going to get bought out within a couple years even though they moved two of their top guys to make room for you.
Ugly: If it turns out he's actually insane and not comedy gold, the interviews are not going to age well you guys.

Teemu Selanne - Ottawa Knights
Good: Being from Finland, he'll likely have no trouble acclimating himself in the frigid wasteland of Ottawa.
Bad: Playing in Ottawa, you're never sure if there's going to be any fans there to watch the team at all. Oh, wait, wrong league...
Ugly: Seriously, it's Teemu. There's nothing bad you can say about this guy. Great hire.

Andrei Markov - Port Arthur Snowgoons
Good: On a team full of offensive weapons, a steady presence with a defensive mind seems like a good fit. Yin Yang and all that.
Bad: Markov actually ended up flying to Montreal by force of habit. Whoops.
Ugly: The awkward moment when the new coach tries to pronounce Buff's last name.

Vadim Shipachyov - Ramea Island Growlers
Good: Having previously taken up space on the Dieppe roster, Sip actually knows what the hell anyone from the Maritimes and Newfoundland is saying.
Bad: He tries to speak Newfie with his Russian accent. It's bad guys. Even the Growlers GM, has a hard time.
Ugly: Shipachyov will pass his games played mark after 2 weeks as coach.

Todd Bertuzzi - Roswell Invaders
Good: Big Bert looks great in a suit.
Bad: A lawsuit that is!
Ugly: That joke. Also, you know, the whole Steve Moore hubub.

Jocelyn Thibault - Sacré-Coeur Stingrays
Good: Il peut parler le français, which will help him in the separatist stronghold.
Bad: The pressure of coaching a top team with a rabid fanbase might make his pretty hair fall out.
Ugly: a bald Jocelyn Thibault.

Paul Bissonnette - Saskatoon Skeletons
Good: Everyone loves Biznasty and seeing him working again is great.
Bad: Rumors abound, however, that the selection process was unfair.
Ugly: Actually this one reeks of nepotism...

Jaromir Jagr - Sydney Wallabies
Good: Former Roswell legend Jagr finds new life in a move everyone saw coming.
Bad: Will Jags spend more time coaching or hooking up with coeds?
Ugly: Jokes aside, another solid hiring that you can't badmouth too much. Everyone loves Jaromir. Except Ed Belfour.

Andreas Nödl - Vienna Vultures
Good: Vienna saves on relocation expenses by hiring local. Good on them!
Bad: Vienna would have to be considered the top franchise in the EFHL so far. Taking the reigns of that team will not be an easy task.
Ugly: The rest of the league. Seriously, Vienna wants a challenge next year!