Housekeeping: Saskatoon Skeletons

Comments made on this blog are those of the writer and do not reflect the views of the EFHL, the League Manager, or any of the teams. This article is meant to garner laughs, gasps, and orgasms. Ok, well, laughs and gasps. Orgasms optional. 

Welcome to the 8th edition of Housekeeping - a look at the off-season for teams that have been eliminated from the EFHL Playoffs. We continue with the team that finished 7th on the season, the Saskatoon Skeletons.

*** Reader Discretion is advised. Gratuitous language and attempts at shock humor to follow ***





SEASON RECAP

Apparently, the Skeletons are the kings of the "meh" trade. No offense to anyone here, but other than trades involving Kopitar, Benn, Honka (twice), Suter, Koivu, Ellis, Rinne, Schultz (twice), Toews, Little, and Gemel Fucking Smith... wait that's a massive list. Who writes this crap? Worse yet, who's still reading? Damn... The Skeletons quietly were among the bigger movers and shakers this year, but ultimately, a mediocre offense sunk what was a top tier performance from their crease. It just wasn't meant to be this year. Thoughts and prayers to the people of Saskatoon. 

FORWARDS

On the attack, the Skeletons are led by a resurgent Anze Kopitar, a happy Phil Kessel, and Nick Backstrom, who had his worst season in 8 years. Jeff Carter missing 3/4 of the season hurt, but after those four, the Skeletons are seemingly built by Brian Burke. Surely enough, their strongest category outside of the crease was "Hits + Blocks", followed by Faceoff Wins. After that, it's not pretty. They do have some nice young talent coming up, though, and as long as guys like Backstrom and Jake Guentzel return to form next year, the Skeletons should be able to bone a few opponents. 

DEFENCEMEN

The Skeletons have got to be hoping that Dustin Bufflin Byfuglien returns to form next year as he is clearly the center piece of their blue line. Werenski will need to prove that this was just a sophomore slump before he can be counted on again, and it sort of craters there. Mind you, there's a lot of "ifs". IF Faulk can take that next step forward. IF Myers and Werenski can regain their rookie forms. IF Byfuglien isn't on the backend. Call me a skeptic, but I prefer proof and quantifiable stats over IFS. Thankfully, there's a fix here. Follow me to the next section, cretins. 

GOALIES

Now that is a nice crease. Dubnyk and Rinne, while neither is young, are both proven starters. Stalock is a nice piece, provided he didn't come at the cost of 2 guys under the age of 25 with room to grow their games. Oh, right.
Anyways... complementing these 3 is a decent farm tandem of Anton Forsberg and Linus Soderstrom. An example of a fix I was talking about might be found here, as there's a ton of teams looking for goalies that would probably upgrade the Skeletons blueline for the right price. See, that's called following through on your stated plans. DID YOU HEAR THAT ANGELA? 

DRAFT PICKS

With their picks in the 2nd and 4th rounds, the Skeletons will have to hit home runs, as it's their only picks before the 7th round. The Skeletons gambled a lot of their picks away this year, and will be left mining the leftovers in the later rounds for help. 

FINAL GRADE: C+

Much like the Snowgoons last week, the Skeletons made the playoffs but didn't make it out of the first round. They will need to tinker this off-season to make the leap to top tier team, and will need to do so without draft picks. That's going to be hard, and that's just how mamma likes it. Wait, what?


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