Gemelpocalypse!
***The scene starts on an island. A man sits in a chair, his back to the camera. The beach is serene, with white sands and waves cresting nearby. A girl, no older than 17, runs by. The man leers at her and smiles.
His thoughts are interrupted by a servant - some local native, not important to the story - with a message.***
Servant: Sir, sir, the people, they are still asking for you...
Man: I don't care, Thingthing, I'm done with it. It was stupid, it was for a fake league, and it was stupid. Also, it was stupid.
Thingthing: Sir, my name is Carlos, not Thingthing, we've gone over this. And you don't understand - they still cry for you in the night like little babies.
Incredibly well spoken Man: Whatever you say, Thingthing. Unless there's something Earth-Shattering, I'm not. Ever. Doing. That. Again.
Servant, possible Carlos, not sure: Well, you see, Mr Scoop, that's the thing... It's happened again...
Scoop Rumerton; Hah, the way you say that, it almost makes it seem like he got traded again... But, not, not possible. He's the Living Legend.
Scoop's Bitch Boy: Yes, Mr Scoop sir... Gemel Smith has been traded...
***Scoop shoots Carlos in the head, killing him instantly, and then jumps in his speedboat. Once in International Waters, he can no longer think of a Michael Scott enough way to transition to the actual article. So he just does...***
Ladies, there is only ONE thing that was enough to lure me away from Singapore's pristinevirgins beaches, and that is a monumental trade featuring none other than Gemel Fucking Smith. Let's break it down before Interpol locks onto my location. I hear they found the bodies in Geneva. Fuck that was sloppy work..
THE TRADE: It's a big one, so if you're from the BC Buds, maybe go slow here. I hear their shit is really good..
St. Lawrence Vikings trades away
Cehlarik, Peter
Jokiharju, Henri
Price, Carey
Smith, Gemel
Kempny, Michal
Thornton, Joe
2021 Draft Pick, Round 6 (St. Lawrence Vikings)
Massachusetts Spitfires trades away
2020 Draft Pick, Round 3 (Sacré-Coeur Stingrays)Dobson, Noah
Puljujarvi, Jesse
Quick, Jonathan
Kempe, Adrian
Buchnevich, Pavel
2020 Draft Pick, Round 6 (St. Lawrence Vikings)
Forsberg, Anton
Holy shit, I haven't seen this many pieces to dissect since Geneva! I would honestly take way to much of my attention span to actually breakdown this entire deal, and let's be honest, you're just here for some crude jokes and a jab at someone in the league, so let's skip ahead to the bigger pieces.
St. Lawrence continues to clear the leprechauns out of the old pub, dealing the once untouchable Carey Price - not to mention THE Gemel Smith, which we'll discuss in depth below - for a return highlighted by youth. Dobson is an absolute stud on the backend, and despite his bumpy start, this writer (hah) still has faith that Pulj - in an organization that isn't a toxic waste fire like the Oilers - can turn into a top 6 winger and maybe even live up to his pre-draft hype. He's a smart gamble for a team that's focused on tomorrow like the Vikings. Another piece that is headed to the Norsemen is Pavel Buchnevich. Look for him to turn some heads this year. Again, a smart pick up. But, at what cost?
Massachusetts Spitfires gain Gemel Fucking Smith and Carey Price. Price's a decent piece, but the clear key here to this whole deal is Smith. This man was once traded (and the trade was one for one) for Tyson Barrie, Marko Dano, a 4th, and a 5th round pick; and the uproar that the trade was so lopsided in Smith's favour that it nearly caused the entire league to fold unto itself. It's a confusing trade if you ask this genius, as Massachusetts had seemed to be retooling with recent trades, and yet here, 2 weeks before the season starts, and they trade FOR an aging Price and trade away 2 young assets.
But then again, how often do you get the chance to acquire Gemel Fucking Smith?
***Sirens grow louder***
Shit, gotta go. See you next time Gemel's traded bitches!
His thoughts are interrupted by a servant - some local native, not important to the story - with a message.***
Servant: Sir, sir, the people, they are still asking for you...
Man: I don't care, Thingthing, I'm done with it. It was stupid, it was for a fake league, and it was stupid. Also, it was stupid.
Thingthing: Sir, my name is Carlos, not Thingthing, we've gone over this. And you don't understand - they still cry for you in the night like little babies.
Incredibly well spoken Man: Whatever you say, Thingthing. Unless there's something Earth-Shattering, I'm not. Ever. Doing. That. Again.
Servant, possible Carlos, not sure: Well, you see, Mr Scoop, that's the thing... It's happened again...
Scoop Rumerton; Hah, the way you say that, it almost makes it seem like he got traded again... But, not, not possible. He's the Living Legend.
Scoop's Bitch Boy: Yes, Mr Scoop sir... Gemel Smith has been traded...
***Scoop shoots Carlos in the head, killing him instantly, and then jumps in his speedboat. Once in International Waters, he can no longer think of a Michael Scott enough way to transition to the actual article. So he just does...***
Ladies, there is only ONE thing that was enough to lure me away from Singapore's pristine
THE TRADE: It's a big one, so if you're from the BC Buds, maybe go slow here. I hear their shit is really good..
St. Lawrence Vikings trades away
Cehlarik, Peter
Jokiharju, Henri
Price, Carey
Smith, Gemel
Kempny, Michal
Thornton, Joe
2021 Draft Pick, Round 6 (St. Lawrence Vikings)
Massachusetts Spitfires trades away
2020 Draft Pick, Round 3 (Sacré-Coeur Stingrays)Dobson, Noah
Puljujarvi, Jesse
Quick, Jonathan
Kempe, Adrian
Buchnevich, Pavel
2020 Draft Pick, Round 6 (St. Lawrence Vikings)
Forsberg, Anton
Holy shit, I haven't seen this many pieces to dissect since Geneva! I would honestly take way to much of my attention span to actually breakdown this entire deal, and let's be honest, you're just here for some crude jokes and a jab at someone in the league, so let's skip ahead to the bigger pieces.
St. Lawrence continues to clear the leprechauns out of the old pub, dealing the once untouchable Carey Price - not to mention THE Gemel Smith, which we'll discuss in depth below - for a return highlighted by youth. Dobson is an absolute stud on the backend, and despite his bumpy start, this writer (hah) still has faith that Pulj - in an organization that isn't a toxic waste fire like the Oilers - can turn into a top 6 winger and maybe even live up to his pre-draft hype. He's a smart gamble for a team that's focused on tomorrow like the Vikings. Another piece that is headed to the Norsemen is Pavel Buchnevich. Look for him to turn some heads this year. Again, a smart pick up. But, at what cost?
Massachusetts Spitfires gain Gemel Fucking Smith and Carey Price. Price's a decent piece, but the clear key here to this whole deal is Smith. This man was once traded (and the trade was one for one) for Tyson Barrie, Marko Dano, a 4th, and a 5th round pick; and the uproar that the trade was so lopsided in Smith's favour that it nearly caused the entire league to fold unto itself. It's a confusing trade if you ask this genius, as Massachusetts had seemed to be retooling with recent trades, and yet here, 2 weeks before the season starts, and they trade FOR an aging Price and trade away 2 young assets.
But then again, how often do you get the chance to acquire Gemel Fucking Smith?
***Sirens grow louder***
Shit, gotta go. See you next time Gemel's traded bitches!
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