New Beginnings!

 Greetings cretins! 


For those unfamiliar with my body of work, allow me to briefly educate your worthless brain with some superior knowledge. My name is Scoop Rumerton, formerly associated with the Elite Fantasy Hockey League, which some of you are allowed to be in despite being you. Over the last few years, I have only graced those morons with my writings a couple times, as it grew tiresome to write for such crusty cunts. 


However, something about your format here in the FJHL appeals to me. Having these shorter matchups lends itself well to a creative outlet that I hope you will enjoy. And if not, suck my starfish. 


WEEKEND WRAP-UP


- Moose Creek came up just short against the undefeated Bullies as the Beavers goalies just didn't show up for this one. Leading the way for the Bullies, Kucherov and Rantanen really slammed those Beavers. I mean, they simply pounded them. 

- Arlen took it to Current River, even with their goalies apparently getting high in the shed with the goalies from the Beavers. Unsurprisingly, Nathan Mackinnon played a huge part in the Propaniacs win, pacing them with 7 assists on his own. 

- Halifax defeated Ingleside, and continuing the trend that the dipshit who runs the league may want to look into, did so without playing any goalies. Did this writer miss the invite to the huge goalie smoke-out in the shed or something? Anyways, it might have gone differently had Devon "Don't call me Jonathan" Toews not put up 4 points, but he did, so shut up. Jonathan. 

- Springfield put Muskoka in their place with a decisive win, and *checks stats* god damn it, seriously. The next time there's a big goalie party, let me know. Was this just a weird weekend for goalies or something? Hey, Commish Dipshit, pay attention to this, will ya?

- North Haverbrook beat North Gower in a game that finally had goalies playing for both teams. SEE EVERYONE? THIS IS HOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS. Jesus fuck.... 

- Peterborough edged Victoria 6-4, with the Power's blueline ultimately being the difference in this one. Oh, and both teams iced goalies? Excellent, that's much better. We've got a nice little run going with this now.

- Finally, the defending champion Raiders narrowly beat out the Gatineau Tigers on a late goal by Sam Bennet, which ultimately gave them the win. 


FREE AGENT SIGNINGS


- Andrew Copp has signed a 2 year deal with the Victoria Vikings worth $1m per year. A versatile forward who can play all three positions, Copp should get into quite a few games for the Vikes. 

- Reilly Smith agreed to a 2 year pact with the Ingleside Warriors worth a reported (and confirmed, cause we're not Lou here. Jerk.) $1.5m per annum, the dual winger should add some depth to the injury riddled Warriors. 


DEEP CUTS


- Mere seconds after inking Copp, Victoria cut ties with Matt Grelcyk Grizzlybear Grzelcyk only days after signing him, inducing several Miller jokes. When asked for a comment, Victoria simply said "We couldn't spell his name right on jerseys and stuff so we simply said fuck it, cut him."



And there you have it fuckers, hope this gave you a few minutes of happiness in your pathetic lives. Will I be back on Friday? Maybe. Will this be a one night stand? Maybe. Guess we'll have to wait and see on Friday!

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